


Under the Knife

by brokenbabyvulture



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Aftercare, Angst, F/F, Jasper's Abuse, Medical Procedures, Past Abuse, Trauma, Traumatized Lapis, Vivisection, consensual guro, she needs help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-26 00:27:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14390277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenbabyvulture/pseuds/brokenbabyvulture
Summary: “Peri.”The green gem jumped and turned to her Lapis. “Yes?”“You’re sure about this? I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen.”Peridot just smiled. “Me either. Relax, this is a great idea.”





	Under the Knife

“Are you sure about this?”

Lapis was carefully lying a ragged cloth on a table in the barn, eyeing Peridot as she paced and scribbled on some diagrams on the wall. She was mumbling to herself, not paying attention at all to the nervous girl trying to get her attention.

“Peri.”

The green gem jumped and turned to her Lapis. “Yes?”

“You’re sure about this? I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen.”

Peridot just smiled. “Me either. Relax, this is a great idea.”

The idea had come two nights before, the gems sitting close under a blanket in the truck-loft that housed the TV. Lapis was at her breaking point with reruns of Camp Pining Hearts, and proposed a bold plan: fix the bent antenna on top of the rickety building and find something new. Peridot was unsure until Lapis mentioned while listing all the possibilities for new entertainment, something about a medical drama that she couldn’t quite remember the name of.

After the antenna was in its proper place, the two cuddled together to watch Under the Knife, a cutting-edge medical drama that Lapis was excited to discover was still on the air and was on once a week. About three episodes in, the pair were totally silent, captivated by the fast-paced action and drama on screen. Lapis’ mind was racing with pairings and theories, but every time she looked to Peridot to share them, it was obvious that she was in her own world. Lapis noticed this especially when the surgeons were in the ER, performing gritty, bloody operations in the nick of time.

Peridot seemed like she was on a different planet, and it wasn’t Homeworld. She was tense and totally enthralled, shivering every time the camera displayed a scalpel, cut, or even an organ from time to time. Eventually, Lapis gave up watching the TV, and just observed the little gem with obvious amusement. After hours of intense love, heartbreak, and ambulance rides, Lapis decided she had to call it. She hit the red “record” button on the TV and switched it off. Peridot blinked and the glazed-over look left her eyes. “Why are we not continuing?”

Lapis smiled a little. “We’ve been watching for hours now, and your eyes are starting to look kind of red.”

Peri looked around and finally registered that it was dark out. “Oh, yes, of course.” She stood and shivered again. “What did you think?”

Lapis pretended to look thoughtful for a moment. She didn’t think much of the show at all. She only liked how Peridot looked watching it. “It was okay, I guess. It’ll never beat Pining Hearts.”

Peridot only nodded in response before stretching and yawning loudly. She grinned. “Hey, Lapis, ready to… hit the hay?” She jumped from the loft into a large haystack and surfaced cackling like only a Peridot could.

Lapis smiled softly and followed, hitting the ground gently and heading for the pile of pillows and blankets the gems nested in on cold nights, Peridot in tow. They said their goodnights and cuddled together in the miniature fort, safe from the cold and darkness.

The peace was broken a few hours into the night, as Lapis opened her eyes, only for them to be assaulted by the harsh blue glow of a tablet screen.

“Wh... Peri?”

There was a shuffling sound, and Lapis opened her eyes to catch a glimpse of something squiggly and pink on the screen before it was hastily replaced with Pining Hearts fanfiction.

“Peridot, what are you doing?” Lapis groaned into her pillow.

“Nothing! I, uh, got bored, so I figured I’d read for a few minutes, I didn’t think that the light would bother you, I…”  
Lapis interrupted her. “It’s okay. Just- turn that off soon okay?” She turned over and pretended to settle down, instead thinking about why Peridot was looking at human organs of all things.

In the morning, Peridot and Lapis decided to work in the garden and check on the progress of their pumpkins. Lapis didn’t want to intrude, but she was so curious about Peridot’s new interest she could barely keep from interrogating her.

“So… was that fanfiction any good?”

Peridot immediately blushed green and stuttered, “N-no, not at all. They completely ruined my OTP! I mean, does anyone really think- “

“Peridot,” Lapis stopped her and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Um, y-yes Lapis?”

“What were you really looking at?”

Peridots’s eyes dropped to the ground, and she started fiddling with her hands. “Um, well, you see, since I’m a peridot, I was always set to be an engineer, so I never got the chance to see the medical staff back on Homeworld, you know, um…”

“Cut a gem open?” Lapis supplied.

Peridot blushed an even deeper forest green. “Yes, exactly! It is a purely occupational, academic curiosity that I have no personal interest in whatsoever!”

Lapis looked her in the eye. “No, it isn’t Peridot. ‘Academic interest’ doesn’t make you shiver like that.” She motioned to the peridot’s legs, which were quaking at this point. “Peridot, do you want to…” She hesitated, not sure how to continue. “Do you like seeing gems cut open?”

“No! I mean, no, not gems… Gems aren’t… as good…” she stared at the ground in shame.

Lapis thought on that a moment. “Then what is it, Peri?” She tried to sound reassuring. She didn’t want the smaller gem to feel ashamed of herself. Peridot was kind enough to listen to her when she needed it, and what kind of gem would she be if she couldn’t return the favor?

“It’s… humans. Everything inside of them is so beautiful!” She was looking up now, speaking excitedly to the tall blue gem. “They’re all the same color inside, and there’s so much of them! A heart to pump blood, lungs for oxygen, and those intestines…” She looked off dreamily.

Lapis looked at her for a bit, still a bit uneasy. “Have you ever… seen the inside of a gem Peridot?”

The green gem refocused her attention. “No, I wish I had the honor.” She looked off again, talking to herself. “I’d love even more to know what it feels like to be the gem being opened up. Can you imagine what that must be like?”

Lapis thought back to Jasper, and the time she spent as Malachite. How out of control and weak she felt, doing her best to keep it together. Her body wasn’t hers, and it did often feel like being split open. “Yes. I can.”

Peridot’s face fell. “Lapis, I’m so sorry, I- “

“Don’t worry about it. I’m okay.”

She knew she would be at least. Even now she found herself wanting to be like Jasper sometimes. To be that powerful, to always be in control of everyone below her, having a gem’s life resting in her hands. She always tried to tell herself that it was normal. Who wouldn’t want all of that? But deep down, she knew it went deeper than control.

She looked at Peridot again. She considered her offer carefully. What’s the worst that could happen?

“I could if you wanted me to,” she added.

“Could what?”

“Could… you know.” She made a vague slicing motion with her hand.

Peridot stuttered as her eyes lit up. “Lapis, no, that’s not necessary, you don’t have to- “

“Let me. Who knows, it could be fun.”

Peridot did her best to maintain her composure, but couldn’t resist punching the air in elation, sending a nearby watering can hurtling into the sky as she did so. She quickly brought it back to earth, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Peridot spent the next day and a half preparing for the endeavor. That meant field trips, metalworking, and calling in a favor from the Crystal Gems, so someone knew what was going on in case something went wrong. Peridot “borrowed” some high-end surgical equipment from the Beach City Hospital, including a full set of scalpels, forceps, and spreaders. She wasn’t exactly sure what she needed, so she went with a “one of everything,” as Amethyst called it.

Lapis sat on the roof, researching surgery and thinking about what she was going to do. Though the internet didn’t have any resources on gem anatomy, and Lapis wasn’t so confident about the subject herself, Peridot assured her there was no way any real damage could be done.

Lapis was interested, surely, but she was still nervous. She didn’t know what she would do, and she didn’t know how Peridot would react either. What if something went wrong and Peri got cracked or, Diamonds forbid, shattered? Lapis tried to shake the thought from her head, but it kept nagging at her while she worked.

Peridot, on the other hand, was so enveloped in the preparations she hadn’t bothered to think about what she was doing at all. She wanted everything to be right for Lapis. She knew she must be nervous, so she did her best to make the barn feel safe for their “project.” She made a point to get blue surgical equipment when she could, hoping that the familiarity would ease Lapis’ mind.

After finishing another day of setup, and Lapis convincing Peridot to please come to bed its 4 am, the gems huddled under their blankets, but neither even closed their eyes.

“Too excited to rest?” Asked Peridot cheekily.

“No,” Lapis answered in a distant tone. She ran her hand over the soft skin of the other gem’s stomach, wondering what it would feel like to cut it open and have Peridot’s small body at her mercy. “Just thinking.”

Peridot blushed and moved away from Lapis’ hand. “About what?”

“About what I’m going to do to you tomorrow.” She smiled a bit cruelly, invisible to Peridot in the darkness. She gave her a soft kiss on the gem and whispered, “You’re going to be all mine,” before grinning and laying her head down on Peridot’s chest, listening to the soft beat of her heart.

Peridot was completely shaken, eyes wide and blinking in disbelief, still hot in the face from the surprise. She looked down on the delicate gem on her chest and the realization finally caught up with her. This beautiful, powerful, dangerous girl was going to take a knife to her body, and Peridot wanted nothing more in the world. She hoped Lapis would enjoy it too, thoughts of her soft smile looking down at her body putting her to sleep.

When she woke up the next morning, Lapis was already awake, fiddling with the sharp objects on the small metal tray Peridot had prepared the day before. Peridot stayed concealed in the blankets, watching her for a bit. Lapis seemed enthralled with the instruments, picking up every tool as gently as if it were a living thing, touching the blades to her fingertips to test their bite.

Peridot stretched and yawned loudly, hoping to get her barn mate’s attention. Lapis looked up at her and quickly set down the scalpel. “Morning Peri.”

“Morning yourself,” replied Peridot with a grin. “Someone excited?”

Lapis flushed. “No, I just was, checking on them…”

Peridot smiled teasingly. “It’s obvious you’re anxious to get started you clod.” She spoke with obvious affection in her voice.

“Shut up.”

“You got it.” Peri bustled around happily, preparing everything that she could. Lapis was still a bit nervous, but she tried to calm herself for Peridot’s sake. She couldn’t stand the thought of her nerves getting Peri hurt. She moved away from the instruments and decided to help get set up.

“Are you sure about this?”

Lapis started laying out a blanket on the table in the middle of the barn, doing her best to be helpful. Peridot was distracted by some diagrams on the wall, covered in notes and observations.

“Peri.”

She jumped and turned to Lapis. “Yes?”

“You’re sure about this? I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen.”

Peridot just smiled. “Me either. Relax, this is a great idea.”

Lapis tried to believe her again. She took a deep breath and finished lying down the sterile drapes. “Are you ready? We can wait if you’re still nervous, or if you changed your mind- “

Peridot finished her notes and walked over to the table in the middle of the room. “Of course I haven’t. I’m not just going to waste a day and half of work.” She reached up to give Lapis a kiss of reassurance and took her hand. “I promise I’m going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. Just relax and enjoy this.” Peridot then stretched out on the table and moved her hands out of the way of her abdomen. “You might want to do something about these.” She moved her wrists.

“Right, sorry.” Lapis summoned a bit of water from the pool outside and fashioned a firm tie on Peridot’s wrists, just tight enough to keep them down.

Peridot shifted, trying to get comfortable.

“Is that okay?” Lapis asked, worried.

“Of course. I’m just… not used to this.”

Lapis understood. Just seeing the watery shackles reminded her of Malachite. The memory drove her to want control even more. “Are you ready?”

Peridot nodded, determined. “I’m ready.” She closed her eyes and did her best to steady her breathing.

Lapis studied her for a moment, wondering why Peri wanted this so badly. She wasn’t opposed, of course, only curious. She pondered this as she picked up a hooked scalpel, noting how it glinted in the light from the hole in the ceiling. Peridot shifted again as she heard the clink of the instrument as it left its metal tray. She didn’t seem to notice that she lifted her abdomen off the table, offering herself to Lapis.

Lapis picked up the scalpel and touched it gently to the skin above Peridot’s sternum. As she dragged it down slowly, lime green blood started to bead up in a thin line on Peri’s body. Peridot gasped and resisted the urge to twitch, holding her body as still as she could. Lapis looked down in awe as she felt a small wave of excitement crash in her chest. She took the scalpel to the same line again and cut deeper, the sound of metal scraping bone meeting her ears as Peridot cried a strangled yell.

“Are you okay?” Lapis asked, hesitating for a moment.

Peridot was panting, looking down at the gaping wound in her chest and feeling a bit lightheaded. Her insides smelled like copper and battery acid and breathing felt heavy and stinging. “Yes… yes, I’m fine. Keep going.” She laid her head back and looked up at Lapis, any guard she had been keeping up broken already. Lapis could see the openness and vulnerability and made a note to take extra care from now on. She had to keep her excitement in check.

Lapis made the two smaller slices that would allow her to fold back the skin and give her access to Peri’s organs, Peridot panting and grunting all the way. Lapis continued checking in on her, her companion obviously growing farther and farther away by the minute.

Lapis started to carefully move the green flesh out of the way of Peridot’s organs and was completely captivated by everything inside.

“Peridot… look at you.”

The smaller gem looked up hazily and followed Lapis’ gaze to look inside herself. She was amazed to see much of what she had studied. A twisting intestine, lungs pulsing slowly, a heart beating faster than she’d ever felt in her life.

“Can I… touch them?’ Lapis asked quietly.

“Please,” replied Peridot, settling back and trying to calm her speeding heart.

Lapis hovered her hand over the green tinted ribs first, and touched them gingerly, feeling the warm, slick surface of the naked bone. She slid a skinny finger between a pair and prodded at a mint colored lung, feeling the other gem’s gasp before she heard it. She smiled at the sound and met Peridot’s eyes. The little nerd was blushing, her eyes glazed over, mouth hanging open, very obviously not ‘all there.’

“Peri.”

The gem’s eyes refocused.

“I need you to stay with me. I want you to enjoy this, okay? It Is for you.”

Peridot only nodded and tried to keep her attention on Lapis’ hands and they moved to pick up a thick curl of intestine. Lapis touched the organ gently, and Peridot twitched and jumped as it left her body. Lapis lifted out a loop and brought it to her lips, placing a soft kiss on the green casing. She left the tube outside of Peri’s body so she could come back to it later.

She looked over Peri again and watched her face shift between pain and pleasure as Lapis moved inside her. Lapis pet her intestines absentmindedly as she stared. “You’re beautiful, you know?”

Peridot could only smile weakly. “You look pretty great too, covered in blood up to your elbows like that.” She looked exhausted, panting softly and causing her organs to rise and fall in time.

“Are you still okay darling?”

Peridot blushed, unable to look at her roommate. “Yes, I’m fine. Don’t… don’t stop.”

The blue gem smiled, picking up a new scalpel and dragging it down Peri’s arm teasingly. She continued running the blade up and down, pricking up tiny beads of blood. Peridot’s breathing slowed and her eyes fluttered closed. Lapis smiled at how relaxed she was and decided to try something. She eyed the green, triangular gem on Peridot’s forehead and touched it with her thumb. Peri gasped and squirmed a bit. Lapis grinned cruelly and took the tip of her blade to the green gem.

“Lapis, wha- “

Before Peridot could finish, Lapis dug the scalpel into her gem.

Peri screamed.

The pain was unlike being poofed or even cracked. It was deep and searing and it radiated through every part of her form. It subsided a bit when Lapis removed the blade, but it still shook the green gem to her core, and she could only pant and writhe trying to escape the feeling. When she was finally cognizant enough to open her eyes, Peridot caught Lapis looking down at her, entranced, mouth hanging open with awe.

Lapis tried to wrench her gaze away before the other girl noticed, but it was too late, and she could only blush.

Peridot panted, trying to get the words out. “Lapis, what… what the fuck?!”

Lapis stuttered and couldn’t look at the other gem. “Peri, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to- “

Peridot smiled weakly, reassuring her. “It’s okay. I’m okay. Just… warn me, okay?”

Lapis nodded.

“You want to keep going?”

Lapis nodded again.

Peridot smiled again and offered herself to Lapis. “Then go ahead.”

Lapis picked up the scalpel again and tried to take a deep breath. Focus. She ran the blade down Peridot’s intestines as she decided where to explore next. The thin casing split easily, folding back gently.

“Can I open up your ribs?”

Peri’s eyes lit up. “I was worried you’d never ask.” She stretched backward, trying to open up her chest as much as possible. “What are you going to use?”

Lapis picked up a small, vicious looking saw instead of responding.

She set the teeth at the top of Peridot’s sternum. “Ready?”

Peridot took in a shaky breath and nodded. “Ready.”

Lapis pressed down with the serrated edge and started sawing through the thick bone.

Peridot let out a long, low groan, and grit her teeth. The pain wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle, but it felt like it was coming from the core of her form. She did her best to hold still for Lapis, feeling her left hand on her hip steadying her.

Lapis noticed the tension Peridot was under and squeezed her hip gently. “I’ve got you. You’re doing great.”

After what felt like an eternity, Peri’s sternum was in two pieces, and she let out a final moan of pain as Lapis grabbed the halves and pulled them apart, listening to the snapping of several ribs.

“There we go,” Lapis murmured, adoration obvious in her voice. She wasted no time in stroking a quivering lung, feeling it constrict at her touch. She looked up to meet Peridot’s gaze. “Breathe in for me.”

Peridot closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Lapis couldn’t hold back a grin as the lung filled, feeling it stretch and then deflate as Peridot breathed out.

“You’re amazing,” she murmured. Peridot’s heart sped up at that, and Lapis giggled at the realization that she could watch her embarrassment grow.

“What?” Peridot asked, flustered.

“Your heart.” Lapis poked the organ and Peridot jumped. “I can see when you get embarrassed.”

“Oh, shut up clod.” Peridot only blushed deeper and felt her heart race again.

“Would you die if I cut out your heart?” Lapis wondered aloud, her fingers hovering over the instruments on the small metal tray.

“I don’t know Lapis, it doesn’t sound like a good idea…” Peridot squirmed, a little nervous at the heady glow behind the eyes gazing down at her. “Maybe stick to non-lethal damage for now.”

Lapis’ hand settled on a fresh, curved blade, taking it and resting the edge on Peridot’s throat, the kiss of the knife featherlight on her skin. Lapis’ other hand took to gently holding the pulsing heart in the small gem’s chest. She could feel the beats speed up again in fear, absentmindedly wondering to herself if all this excitement was good for Peri’s heart. Her thumb stroked the organ, slick and hot with fresh blood.

Peridot was doing her best not to squirm under the keen edge of the blade at her throat. “Lapis, maybe you should move that...” Even her speech was enough to jostle the knife and nick her throat, drawing minuscule drops of forest-green blood.

“What? Oh, sorry about that.” Lapis quickly moved the scalpel and inspected the thin line of blood on the Peri’s throat. “Are you okay?”

“Are you?” There was no anger or fear in the words, only concern.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s nothing, you just…” Peridot met her eyes, recognizing the faint sadistic glow. It was close to the one she remembered seeing in Jasper whenever she was shouting orders or fighting. Only it was softer in Lapis, more curious, playful even. “It’s nothing. Just stay focused.”

Lapis felt a tug of worry in her chest, but she knew better than to try to push it. She was too invested in the task at hand anyway.

She looked over at the small, limp pile of intestines left outside of the cavity in Peri’s body and considered what she could do with them. She decided to consider it, as she picked them up again and returned to peppering them with gentle, teasing kisses.

Even though Peri couldn’t technically feel them, her brain was able to fill in the gaps, and the kisses made her blush more than any of Lapis’ previous ventures.

Lapis paused. Peridot’s concern hadn’t left her.

“Do I scare you?”

The air suddenly felt heavy and darker than it had before. When she didn’t get an answer, Lapis asked again.

“Peri, do I scare you?” She ran her thumb around the edge of the deep gash she had made. “Am I like her?” Her body was full of tension as she stared past Peridot. 

Peri didn’t answer for a moment. She knew the answer Lapis wanted, but couldn’t help but notice how cruel Lapis had been to her gem, and how satisfied she had been to see her in pain. 

“You’re not… like her,” Peridot stated carefully. 

“You’re scared of me.”

“No, no! Not at all! I mean, I can’t say- You looked… different. For a while there. Your eyes, they looked like hers, but I wasn’t scared! I was just startled and wanted to make sure you were-”

Peridot heard a metallic clang as scalpel was thrown to the floor. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done this, I knew I couldn’t control myself…” Lapis turned away, mumbling strings of heated apologies and wringing her hands. Peridot wished she could go to comfort her, but in her anguish, Lapis had tightened the restraints, and she didn’t want her organs on the dirt floor anyway.

“Lapis, it’s okay, you didn’t hurt me.” She faltered. “Not more than I wanted you to at least.”

Peridot felt a twinge of pain in her wrists as the watery shackles tightened even further. 

“It’s not just that.” Lapis was still turned away from her, and Peridot could see her shoulders shaking as she gripped her arm. “I couldn’t control myself, and I hurt you, and I could have hurt you a lot more. I’m- I’m no better than she is. I’m even worse. I don’t want to hurt you. What if you’re not safe around me? What if I can’t control myself and I…” She was covering her face and speaking into her hands, tears leaking out between her slim fingers. She was losing focus. The restraints on Peridot’s wrists were weaker now, and she felt she could slip out if she needed to, but thought she should stay put for the moment.

“Lapis.”

Lapis didn’t look up, but stopped mumbling to herself and listened.

“You’re not going to hurt me. You’re nothing like Jasper.” Lapis flinched at hearing her name again, but moved her hands away from her face and crossed them over her chest instead. 

“Okay… Okay.” Her conviction was stronger the second time, determined to show Peridot she was in control of herself.

Peridot’s vision was starting to go black at the edges. Blood loss. She didn’t know that could happen to gems. She made a note to write that down later. “You want to get over here and help me out?” 

The bonds around her wrists seemed to snap to attention, turning firm, but not uncomfortable. “Yes. Okay.” Lapis stayed quiet and focused as she tried her best to put everything back where it was when they started. Peridot assured her it would all find its way back eventually.

“I just have to do the sutures now. Are you ready?”

Peri nodded. After everything that had happened this morning already, she felt prepared for a few pinpricks. 

Lapis’ hands were steady and measured, the stitching controlled and appeared to be very well done.

“Have you been practicing that?”

Lapis smiled shyly. “Maybe just a little.”

After she was stitched up and cleaned, Lapis spent minutes trying to get the bandages and surgical tape just right. She found the soft cotton very appealing and adored the way Peri’s green blood leaked through and stained them. 

They lay together on the table in the middle of the barn after Lapis insisted that Peridot needed to rest. Peri was worried she would fall asleep, but as she was drifting, she felt the gem next to her shake gently. 

“Lapis? What’s wrong?”

The shaking stopped, and even, shallow breathing replaced it. 

“Lapis, I know you’re awake.”

A frustrated exhale tickled Peridot’s side, and Lapis met her eyes. “I scared myself. I don’t know why I got like that, I- I’m sorry Peri.”

Peridot shook her head. “You got excited and nervous. We’ll work on it,” she said simply. She tried to squeeze Lapis’ arm reassuringly. “I promise, we’ll talk about it.” The exhaustion from the past few days of preparation had finally caught up with her. She would never tell Lapis that though. The “I told you so” lecture would be unbearable. “Later.”

Lapis buried her face in the blanket underneath them. “Later,” she repeated quietly. 

Lapis knew she couldn’t be the gem she was before Malachite. She would always long to be, but she was new. Maybe more like Jasper, but new. More fearful of herself, but new. She would learn to live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually the first thing I ever wrote to show other people, I just edited the hell out of it recently


End file.
